24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
