Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
