It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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