That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
