I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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