put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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