I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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