And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
