a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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