I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
