I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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