I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
