her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
