can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
