I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
