tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
