Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
