He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
