i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
