my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
