GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
