Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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