this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
