And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
