yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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