Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
