When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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