a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
