Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
