I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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