I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
