my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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