another moral hangover. fuck.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
