he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
