Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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