Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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