I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
