u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
