I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
