At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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