i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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