never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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