Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
