the condom got lost in my hair
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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