But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
