Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
