Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
