so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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