so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
