He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
