I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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