as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
