She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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