So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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