there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
