and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
