I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
