Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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