"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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