it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
