if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize