Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
