Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
