hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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