who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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