Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
