I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
